Understanding the Language of Women

And words that women use...

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are
right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks
-this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's
an even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is
usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside
out, upside down, and backwards. 'Nothing" usually signifies an argument
that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine."

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over
"Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine."

GO AHEAD or WHATEVER (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You
will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by
"Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she
cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot
at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you over "Nothing."

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a nonverbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that
she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay
content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a
man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying
you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used
with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty
big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the
chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it
is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be
careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot"
when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended
her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful
not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you
"Nothing."