New Direction

I have always wondered what it would be like to sit infront of a doctor and have them tell you that you have some terrible disease. As of Tuesday I don't have to wonder any longer.

Ever since I was a little girl I have been to doctor wondering what was wrong with me. When the severe back pain and chest pain hit around 18 years old we really knew there was something up. 8 doctors in 2 or three months gave me nothing but "we don't know what it is, how about fibromyalgia?" Seemed to fit Ok so I have been doing self treatment for almost three years now and have been doing fairly good. As I mentioned in a previous blog, Spain opened up the doctor's visits again. He gave me nothing. Until I asked for a specific test myself. Mom was diagnosed with Celiac disease last year and since it's genetic we though I should just get tested as a precaution. When Mom was diagnosed I remember thinking God thank you that I don't have that because I couldn't handle it. I think I'd rather die. My doctor said he didn't think I had it so when I went in Tuesday I wasn't totally prepared for the bomb shell.

It was the first thing he said to me... The stories are true--you don't hear a thing they say after that. I just wanted out. I can't tell you how devastating the news was. In short it means I'm allergic to wheat and gluten. Sometime look at what that's in and you'll figure out I can't eat anything anymore. Therefore going to people's houses will require me cooking for myself, no restaurants, how this works with summer camp I don't know, and no spain.

I have never screamed so loud or cried so hard in my life. I don't want to do this. But God has once again helped me through all of this. Wednesday morning I just sat and listened to Chris Rice singing old hymns. All throughout the day God stayed beside me, showing me how I would get through this and pointing out to me the good that a diagnosis would do. He's got some amazing plans already. I'm not going to Spain anymore because I think it would be impossible but I've got a great alternative, one that is so great that I don't really feel like I'm giving anything up.

I'm happy, I am. I will ge through this. Mom and I will get through this. I don't tell you all of this so that you can feel sorry for me, I'm telling you this because I know many of you will want the update... but most of all to let you know that when you ask God to take your life, like I did with this spain thing he really does. and you aren't always going to see it. The road from when I first gave it to Him, to where I am now has been very rough. I've yelled the entire way wondering where in the world he was. But as always he had a great plan in His head and I just needed to be patient. Instead of being depressed like most would be at this moment I would honestly say that I'm filled with joy. Life is going to be hard for awhile but I'm not really scared cause God's gonna handle this one too.